Some of the earliest music I heard came from my mother and fathers 8-track tape collection.  One of these bands has a song that comes to mind right now.  Three Dog Night - One

"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.."

I wasn't created to be alone.  Sure, we all need some self time to relax, de-stress, and clear your mind. But the amount of time I spend without others around me is pulling me downward.

I spend 5-6 hours of my work day in an enclosed office by myself.  I often go home, eat dinner, and then spend whatever time I have until bedtime alone.  Then I go to bed alone. The biggest exception to this is when Zach is around, but that is only half of the days.

I know people who have had routines like this for years, decades, and it suits them just fine.  But this doesn't work for me, the isolation and loneliness fills my head with depressive thoughts that I'm not loved, not cared for, not thought of.... I know this to be not true to an extent; but it's hard to feel these things when the phone doesn't ring, messages don't arrive in your email, your Facebook wall remains empty unless it's me doing the first posting.

I've never lived alone until now. It's an adjustment I just haven't been able to make yet, really.

I had coffee with my friend, Bob, today.  He correctly suggested that I should try and find a way to enjoy, and learn from, this time period; and that perhaps it will affect the success in future relationships.   He also points out that, if I ever embark on a new relationship, that the compromise returns to life as the need to focus on the needs/desires of the mate will reduce the time/effort I have to spend working on myself.  Both of these are true.....thank you, Bob.

I can't figure out how to adjust to this deprivation of my needs as a human. I'd like to, so that I can make the best of this situation and focus on self improvement and personal goals.

I hope that I can find others who will share their experiences with this and how they got over it; or if you've lived alone a lot and love it, how did you get to this point?

On April 5th, I began my first class at Grand Canyon University.  What the heck is GCU? It's a very large University located in Phoenix, Arizona.  No, I'm not moving, I'm going to work online.  Between on campus and online programs, GCU has 25,000 students.  The only thing that somewhat disturbs me about this college is their conservative leaning....hard to escape in a Christian college situation....put I just dislike the stigma that if you are a Christian, that you are automatically a Republican.  I for one, am not, but don't call myself a democrat, either.  Spiritual life trumps, and is far more life guiding, than a political party.  Read the book "Jesus for President" by Shane Claiborne if you don't agree with this.

I will be majoring in Christian Studies, working towards a bachelors degree.  Beyond this, my hope is to continue on towards a masters in either Urban or Youth ministry....or both.

The goal is to help people.  To love my neighbors as Jesus commands. Not just those in my neighborhood; but all of those in our world....including ones that are considered my enemies.  To help and empower people to make their own lives better.

Link:  Grand Canyon University